I'm so sorry that that happened to you. Unfortunately, we often don't get to choose consciously and with full awareness how our minds and bodies decide to try to protect themselves. They get it right more often than not, but sometimes our instincts don't work the way we later wish they did especially in situations that don't read the way that we expect violence to. That's true of everyone on the planet. It doesn't mean that you aren't brave, tough, smart, and capable. Because you are. It means that your instincts were led astray by a situation that was very carefully constructed to do just that.

I know we don't really hang out and I don't know you that well offline these days but I consider you to be someone worth going above and beyond for. If there's anything I can do please let me know.