Who harasses/assaults women?

[brynndragon]

I've read these before, and have had cause to link to them but couldn't find them again, so I'm putting them here so I can (trigger warning: sexual assault, no graphic descriptions):

Mythcommunication: It’s Not That They Don’t Understand, They Just Don’t Like The Answer

Meet the Predators

Comments

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

I think this is why "but he had Aspergers / different cultural norms / is a special snowflake!" is such a poor defense.

Because if you don't understand--don't proceed! Jeez.

[benndragon.livejournal.com]

You know, I don't think I've ever met someone with Aspergers who wouldn't rather not proceed than fuck up shit like that. Hell, people with Aspergers *tell you outright* what they think of you - you don't have the "well maybe I'm reading something in this" thing that happens with harassers. (I'm thinking specifically of an interaction I had recently with someone who has Aspergers who found me attractive - he asked me if specific behaviors were bothersome as they came up. Harassers just don't do that - it would give someone an opening to expressly refuse the behavior.)

[plymouth.livejournal.com]

Indeed. Also, aspies are the ones it's REALLY EASY to say direct "No" to because after interacting with them for just a very short time you get a sense that they prefer directness. I have had aspies who crossed boundaries they didn't know about or recognize but they pretty much immediately backed the fuck off when informed of it.

Of course I'm aspie-trending myself so I do tend towards directness by default, so it's possible that a lot of folks don't get the "ok I can be direct with this person" reaction quite as strongly as I do. Still, if they have any clue at all they should pick up SOMETHING along those lines.

[benndragon.livejournal.com]

It's kinda astounding how, if people actually paid attention, they could learn a lot about seeking direct consent (which is an awesome social skill) from folks with Aspergers, rather than assuming such folks somehow lack the ability to not harass people.

(As an aside, I note that folks with Aspergers can also be jerks, but I suspect it's actually less common than the general population because they have a harder time getting the benefits from that sort of behavior.)