Who harasses/assaults women?
Aug. 4th, 2012 01:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I've read these before, and have had cause to link to them but couldn't find them again, so I'm putting them here so I can (trigger warning: sexual assault, no graphic descriptions):
Mythcommunication: It’s Not That They Don’t Understand, They Just Don’t Like The Answer
Meet the Predators
Mythcommunication: It’s Not That They Don’t Understand, They Just Don’t Like The Answer
Meet the Predators
no subject
Date: 2012-08-04 07:10 pm (UTC)Dovetails nicely into the essay on 'let's talk about how rape is *fun*', which I have yet to write and hope to find on the internet so I don't have to, because necessary but eew.
(Also, yay Conversation Analysis. I was reading through and saw the explanation of Jefferson notation and was like, "duh!! No, wait, actually, not everyone knows that--in fact almost no one knows that...")
no subject
Date: 2012-08-04 07:15 pm (UTC)Because if you don't understand--don't proceed! Jeez.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-04 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-05 12:12 am (UTC)Of course I'm aspie-trending myself so I do tend towards directness by default, so it's possible that a lot of folks don't get the "ok I can be direct with this person" reaction quite as strongly as I do. Still, if they have any clue at all they should pick up SOMETHING along those lines.
(As an aside, I note that folks with Aspergers can also be jerks, but I suspect it's actually less common than the general population because they have a harder time getting the benefits from that sort of behavior.)
no subject
Date: 2012-08-05 12:38 am (UTC)Second, while the authors of the paper say that this makes all rape prevention advice about communicating a clear "no" pointless, I have a different take. Clear communication of "no" isn't primarily going to avoid miscommunication - rather, it's a meta-message. Clear communication against the undercurrent that "no" is rude and should be softened is a sign of the willingness to fight, to yell, to report.
He's on to something in disagreeing with the authors of the paper about this tangetial point, but I think he's not taking it far enough. "No" is more useful than he paints it to be.
First, many people who have been raped by the usual ambiguity-seeking predator end up doubting themselves afterward, feeling like they did wrong and let it happen; this kind of predator is deliberately trying to create those feelings. This is particularly effective against women, who have more trouble saying no. Knowing that she did in fact clearly say "no" makes things clearer, especially if she talks it over with a friend or counselor, so it mitigates the aftermath somewhat.
Second, these serial predators seem to develop and tune their skill of getting away with it, in part by creating and promoting exactly that ambiguity. Leaving their target with a sense of "was it my fault? was I not clear enough?" is part of their protection. My theory is that while they may be perfecting willing to (or even deliberately wanting to) have sex with someone who they know does not want to, some of them may still decide not to have sex with someone who explicitly says "no", because it increases the risk that they'll be accused later.