Actually, oddly enough, the spring destrustion part of things wasn't just me - my largest damage came from two relationship being ended by the other person for no apparent reason (at least none that they could tell me) right around my birthday (in April). Both of those relationships I would have been quite happy to have been in indefinitely, for the most part. . .
I do feel that a relationship that survives (and even thrives) both the winter and the summer is possible. Now that I am aware of the cycles, I can prepare for longer than a season - seeing the whole pattern letsw me do so. I'm not entirely certain how to work it just yet, but more information always helps. As you noted, knowing is the hardest part, especially within the realm of my own desires, and this gives me mroe insight into that aspect of myself.
I'll note that other poly folk don't mean the same thing as I do when I say "free"; I know a lot of that in specific is a result of my personal damage from past relationships (see above). I'm poly regardless of the damage, but how I go about it is definitely influenced by that. You got my problem in a nutshell: my ability to judge where to give and where to stand firm (which determine the strength of the bond and how it affects my behavior) is really poor, and combined with a severe fear of imbalance in either direction makes for a really difficult time figuring it out. Add in the fact that each relationship requires a different balance and I get confused pretty quickly. However, I suspect that once I find the key to figuring out the balance I'll be able to do it in multiple situations (will have to, as one aspect of that balance is its flexibility, given how things change over time).
Finding someones else who cycles like I do might be the best solution: we'll go off and explore during the summer, probably both individually and together, and then in the winter gather in together until next summer. Yes, that seems likely. I just have to find them. . .
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Date: 2003-09-27 09:30 pm (UTC)I do feel that a relationship that survives (and even thrives) both the winter and the summer is possible. Now that I am aware of the cycles, I can prepare for longer than a season - seeing the whole pattern letsw me do so. I'm not entirely certain how to work it just yet, but more information always helps. As you noted, knowing is the hardest part, especially within the realm of my own desires, and this gives me mroe insight into that aspect of myself.
I'll note that other poly folk don't mean the same thing as I do when I say "free"; I know a lot of that in specific is a result of my personal damage from past relationships (see above). I'm poly regardless of the damage, but how I go about it is definitely influenced by that. You got my problem in a nutshell: my ability to judge where to give and where to stand firm (which determine the strength of the bond and how it affects my behavior) is really poor, and combined with a severe fear of imbalance in either direction makes for a really difficult time figuring it out. Add in the fact that each relationship requires a different balance and I get confused pretty quickly. However, I suspect that once I find the key to figuring out the balance I'll be able to do it in multiple situations (will have to, as one aspect of that balance is its flexibility, given how things change over time).
Finding someones else who cycles like I do might be the best solution: we'll go off and explore during the summer, probably both individually and together, and then in the winter gather in together until next summer. Yes, that seems likely. I just have to find them. . .