brynndragon: (Default)
benndragon ([personal profile] brynndragon) wrote2003-09-26 12:50 pm

Child of Seasons

Summary: How seasons relate to interpersonal patterns


I have never noticed before just how much I change with the seasons in terms of personal interactions. Looking back over my life, I can see patterns that follow the year's turning: most break-ups occur in Spring, pretty much always with people who are monogamous or who want me to be less promiscuous (although who does the dumping varies) and I begin to get restless (and sometimes get a feeling of being trapped in whatever situation I find myself in at the time). Summer is a time of exploration, of finding new people and getting involved with them (to one degree or another). Fall is when I stop exploring and set up a winter nesting ground (not always the place where I live, and not always a single location) - sometimes I leave summer people behind at this time. Winter is when I nest with those I have chosen, doing quiet home-type activities and almost no roaming. Come Spring I become restless again, wanting to leave my nest for new sights, new smells. . .

Put simply, my heart takes over in fall and winter, while my pussy runs things in spring and summer. This is a general pattern, not set in stone or anything - I've certainly done my share of exploration at Arisia, for example (although even much of that had a sense of "waiting for fullness"). I've never really noticed this before, possibly because so much of my energy was put into others, possibly because in general I have become far more aware in the past few months (not having a SO does that to me, I guess).


It does indicate a place to be wary: part of me will desperately want a winter-SO (or two), someone(s) to hole up with in the coming months. The more I try to fight it, the worse off I'll feel. How can I reconcile this with my almost desperate need to not be tied down? Can I possibly simply love those whom I already love without feeling a need to take on the role of SO, for the security it seems to provide when the days are dark? It's always a balancing act of one kind or another. . .

[identity profile] metahacker.livejournal.com 2003-09-27 10:46 am (UTC)(link)
Can you find someone who you won't destroy come Spring, just to be rid of them? Can you build a relationship strong enough to survive the bleak winter months, like a store of acorns put away against the cold, that will still let you be free when Spring arrives? I suspect it's likely, but would take careful work on your part, and a clear understanding of what it is you want. (This last might be the hard part)

Of course, I'm not entirely sure what "free" means to you poly people, nor what tied down means; if the person behaves as if they have no exclusive claim on your heart, then the only bonds are ones you are making yourself. Or maybe that's a naive perspective.

You're not alone in your summer/winter cycle; there's a reason for songs like The Lusty Month of May. You just seem to have more opportunity to express it than most, for which I'm both slightly saddened and slightly envious. :-P