Child of Seasons

[brynndragon]

Summary: How seasons relate to interpersonal patterns


I have never noticed before just how much I change with the seasons in terms of personal interactions. Looking back over my life, I can see patterns that follow the year's turning: most break-ups occur in Spring, pretty much always with people who are monogamous or who want me to be less promiscuous (although who does the dumping varies) and I begin to get restless (and sometimes get a feeling of being trapped in whatever situation I find myself in at the time). Summer is a time of exploration, of finding new people and getting involved with them (to one degree or another). Fall is when I stop exploring and set up a winter nesting ground (not always the place where I live, and not always a single location) - sometimes I leave summer people behind at this time. Winter is when I nest with those I have chosen, doing quiet home-type activities and almost no roaming. Come Spring I become restless again, wanting to leave my nest for new sights, new smells. . .

Put simply, my heart takes over in fall and winter, while my pussy runs things in spring and summer. This is a general pattern, not set in stone or anything - I've certainly done my share of exploration at Arisia, for example (although even much of that had a sense of "waiting for fullness"). I've never really noticed this before, possibly because so much of my energy was put into others, possibly because in general I have become far more aware in the past few months (not having a SO does that to me, I guess).


It does indicate a place to be wary: part of me will desperately want a winter-SO (or two), someone(s) to hole up with in the coming months. The more I try to fight it, the worse off I'll feel. How can I reconcile this with my almost desperate need to not be tied down? Can I possibly simply love those whom I already love without feeling a need to take on the role of SO, for the security it seems to provide when the days are dark? It's always a balancing act of one kind or another. . .

Comments

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Can you find someone who you won't destroy come Spring, just to be rid of them? Can you build a relationship strong enough to survive the bleak winter months, like a store of acorns put away against the cold, that will still let you be free when Spring arrives? I suspect it's likely, but would take careful work on your part, and a clear understanding of what it is you want. (This last might be the hard part)

Of course, I'm not entirely sure what "free" means to you poly people, nor what tied down means; if the person behaves as if they have no exclusive claim on your heart, then the only bonds are ones you are making yourself. Or maybe that's a naive perspective.

You're not alone in your summer/winter cycle; there's a reason for songs like The Lusty Month of May. You just seem to have more opportunity to express it than most, for which I'm both slightly saddened and slightly envious. :-P

[benndragon.livejournal.com]

Actually, oddly enough, the spring destrustion part of things wasn't just me - my largest damage came from two relationship being ended by the other person for no apparent reason (at least none that they could tell me) right around my birthday (in April). Both of those relationships I would have been quite happy to have been in indefinitely, for the most part. . .

I do feel that a relationship that survives (and even thrives) both the winter and the summer is possible. Now that I am aware of the cycles, I can prepare for longer than a season - seeing the whole pattern letsw me do so. I'm not entirely certain how to work it just yet, but more information always helps. As you noted, knowing is the hardest part, especially within the realm of my own desires, and this gives me mroe insight into that aspect of myself.

I'll note that other poly folk don't mean the same thing as I do when I say "free"; I know a lot of that in specific is a result of my personal damage from past relationships (see above). I'm poly regardless of the damage, but how I go about it is definitely influenced by that. You got my problem in a nutshell: my ability to judge where to give and where to stand firm (which determine the strength of the bond and how it affects my behavior) is really poor, and combined with a severe fear of imbalance in either direction makes for a really difficult time figuring it out. Add in the fact that each relationship requires a different balance and I get confused pretty quickly. However, I suspect that once I find the key to figuring out the balance I'll be able to do it in multiple situations (will have to, as one aspect of that balance is its flexibility, given how things change over time).

Finding someones else who cycles like I do might be the best solution: we'll go off and explore during the summer, probably both individually and together, and then in the winter gather in together until next summer. Yes, that seems likely. I just have to find them. . .

It's a dirty job, but...

[subtleknife.livejournal.com]

*volunteers*