Transitioning from Nice Guy to nice guy

[brynndragon]

I get the feeling that the defensive reactions demonstrated by some of the comments in my post on the topic of Nice Guys is because people recognized more of themselves than they are comfortable with in the rant I linked to. If you're one of those people, or you got that mildly ill feeling in the pit of your stomach when you read that rant, you might be interested in an essay on becoming a nice guy. I know I found it to be useful. . .

Comments

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

New thesis topic: "Women as independent variables: a double-blind study." :-P

While I grok what you're saying, it's hard to be that rational about relationships, especially when you're (ahem) horny...there seems to be a tendency to ignore all evidence of disinterest and go with what is supposed to work, just trying to do it better and more correctly. ("Wave the flags just like they did, and the cargo planes will arrive and drop off magic goodies!" "Speak *louder* and *slower*, and the foreigner will understand you!" "Show up at midnight with flowers and a boombox and sing love songs, and she'll HAVE to go out with you!")

I suppose that your approach is a sanity-saver for those who fit the above criteria and get rejected. (I'm something of a non-expert at rejection, so I can't really say much about it from a first-hand perspective...)

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

It's only recently that I was able to rationalize why the 'hey baby yo baby' technique is still so often used.
If you are a)looking for sex and not much else b) care very little about the possibility of a repeat/actual relationship of some form, and c) are willing to put up with a rapid fire string of rejections until you find someone who meets conditions a & b, then it's in many ways the logical way to go.
It persists because in some way or another IT MUST WORK.
I still hate it though.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

It's the spam of the interpersonal relationship game; low-cost, high-volume, with a low but non-zero success rate. Sometimes it works, and that's enough -- even if it hasn't worked yet for that particular guy, the legend is there. And of course it's upsetting like spam, for exactly the same reasons.

(On top of this, hooting at mate-able women appears to be a biological imperative in men; we apologize in advance. Doing something that gets your attention, even dipping your pigtails in the inkwell or whatever, elicits a pleasurable internal response. It's just that those of us with half a brain work to fight down the reflex...)

[benndragon.livejournal.com]

It's real-life spam, complete with nonsense sentenses to get past filtering software and catch-phrases to catch the unwary.

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

Then there are more advanced techniques like the 'low level compliment snare'
This is when a guy/girls praises your appearance in some way but somehow makes it seem like you are 'deficient' in some way. Example: "Wow. I find you really attractive. You're like a 6 or maybe a 7." This is supposed to prey upon your insecurties so that you might protest this only slightly over middle of the road rating. If you take the bait, this proves to the guy/girl in question that you can somewhat easily controled and will suggest things that you can do to convince him/her of your attractiveness. Counter attacks are to completely ignore the bait, or else tell so and so that you think it's utterly presumptious of them to assume that your actually attractiveness/self worth has any bearing or real dependancy on their opinion. If anything this ploy has the power to completely turn off any genuine or budding interest I might have had in the first place. It's like the kiss of death.

[doctorellisdee.livejournal.com]

the trick is not better or more correctly, it's more frequently.

[doctorellisdee.livejournal.com]

like everyone else said better with the spam analogy. buggerment.