I am not talking about cutting off all ties; perhaps I worded my reply improperly.
I'm talking more about the problem of public scrutiny and control over what is essentially a private matter. It's the same thing that causes problems for non-monogamous and/or non-hetero relationships: public pressure to conform to a narrow and massively dysfunctional 'norm' that ignores basic biology, human drives, and the subtleties of emotion. While there are many that try to engage others in a healthy manner, there are far too many who accept the public judgement and try to conform to it; they, in turn, expect others to do the same.
When it comes right down to it, a relationship between people should be a matter personal and private choice, not some bizarre societal expectation. While it is good and healthy to share your feelings with others, it is not healthy to share them with Everyone, nor is it healthy to expect others to always share theirs, and it is NEVER healthy to force your emotions to fit some social definition of "normal'.
And that's the main problem with Valentine's Day: it celebrates an unrealistic expectation. As much as you and the author of that piece wishes to 'take it back", brushing off criticisms of the institution as it stands today as "poo-pooing" just makes things worse.
And, of course, none of this even touches that small minority who have never felt these sorts of deep connections for another person and are often belittled, shamed, and looked down upon for it. Any kind of public celebration of this kind actively excludes these people and drives a deeper wedge between them and the greater society.
As a side note, thank you for engaging me in this discussion. Most people would rather just call me a jerk and a loser for having the opinions that I do.
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Re: Forcing a public celebration of such a deeply personal thing
Date: 2010-02-14 10:59 pm (UTC)I'm talking more about the problem of public scrutiny and control over what is essentially a private matter. It's the same thing that causes problems for non-monogamous and/or non-hetero relationships: public pressure to conform to a narrow and massively dysfunctional 'norm' that ignores basic biology, human drives, and the subtleties of emotion. While there are many that try to engage others in a healthy manner, there are far too many who accept the public judgement and try to conform to it; they, in turn, expect others to do the same.
When it comes right down to it, a relationship between people should be a matter personal and private choice, not some bizarre societal expectation. While it is good and healthy to share your feelings with others, it is not healthy to share them with Everyone, nor is it healthy to expect others to always share theirs, and it is NEVER healthy to force your emotions to fit some social definition of "normal'.
And that's the main problem with Valentine's Day: it celebrates an unrealistic expectation. As much as you and the author of that piece wishes to 'take it back", brushing off criticisms of the institution as it stands today as "poo-pooing" just makes things worse.
And, of course, none of this even touches that small minority who have never felt these sorts of deep connections for another person and are often belittled, shamed, and looked down upon for it. Any kind of public celebration of this kind actively excludes these people and drives a deeper wedge between them and the greater society.
As a side note, thank you for engaging me in this discussion. Most people would rather just call me a jerk and a loser for having the opinions that I do.