Kaz said something similar to me once, so I pretty much agree with all of this. I have had friends that tried to play the "Nice Guy" card and failed miserably, and I have even, on occasion, expressed bewilderment as to what I am "lacking". Of course, it's taken a good chunk of my life to understand the difference between nice people and Nice Guys, but it's actually there.
Only one sentence in that entire thing strikes me as inaccurate, however:
Body language and nonverbal cues are not that hard to learn to read.
For a lot of people this is true. However, as someone who cannot read body language and nonverbal cues without intense concentration and study, I'd like to make a point that sometimes, just once in a while, a person simply cannot tell you are looking at them, or flirting with them, or standing in an inviting way.
Sometimes it really does take a whack from the shoju mallet to get a point across to someone like me. :) Almost no one wants to go through that trouble and assumes that my lack of response to the "cues" indicates uninterest. Likewise, my own lack of proper non-verbal cues makes it difficult for me to express myself that way.
The inability to read body language and nonverbal cues is part and parcel of Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism whose most notable symptom is social impairment.
I'm probably an undiagnosed Aspie; I had severe social impairment through Grade 12, when a bunch of the "popular" kids in my high school took it upon themselves to teach me that much of the inscrutable body of knowledge called "social skills" is really a set of rules that can be learned and hacked. (Bless their fuzzy little hearts, they actually understood how geeks learn stuff.) I still haven't gotten the "nonverbal cues" thing down, and likely never will.
A few good friends have suggested that I may be an undiagnosed Aspie, and I did start to look into the possibility before my new job began despite the repeated and adamant objections of one friend; I will have to start researching doctors again when my schedule evens out a bit.
Unfortunately I never had anyone actually "show me the ropes". I learned through trial and error... and if I've never succeeded at some social expression, I've never learned it. I can pass for functional at this point in most situations, but throw me inot an social arena I have no serious success or experience with... like flirting... and I fall over and die.
You might want to do a google search for faceblindness, which refers to not identifying which person is which using their faces; a closely related problem is having difficulty reading facial expressions.
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brynndragon
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Date: 2006-03-23 06:22 pm (UTC)Only one sentence in that entire thing strikes me as inaccurate, however:
Body language and nonverbal cues are not that hard to learn to read.
For a lot of people this is true. However, as someone who cannot read body language and nonverbal cues without intense concentration and study, I'd like to make a point that sometimes, just once in a while, a person simply cannot tell you are looking at them, or flirting with them, or standing in an inviting way.
Sometimes it really does take a whack from the shoju mallet to get a point across to someone like me. :) Almost no one wants to go through that trouble and assumes that my lack of response to the "cues" indicates uninterest. Likewise, my own lack of proper non-verbal cues makes it difficult for me to express myself that way.
Just $.02 from a geek :)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-23 06:31 pm (UTC)I'm probably an undiagnosed Aspie; I had severe social impairment through Grade 12, when a bunch of the "popular" kids in my high school took it upon themselves to teach me that much of the inscrutable body of knowledge called "social skills" is really a set of rules that can be learned and hacked. (Bless their fuzzy little hearts, they actually understood how geeks learn stuff.) I still haven't gotten the "nonverbal cues" thing down, and likely never will.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-23 07:03 pm (UTC)Unfortunately I never had anyone actually "show me the ropes". I learned through trial and error... and if I've never succeeded at some social expression, I've never learned it. I can pass for functional at this point in most situations, but throw me inot an social arena I have no serious success or experience with... like flirting... and I fall over and die.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-24 02:44 am (UTC)