Get offa my lawn!

[brynndragon]

I must be getting crotchety in my old age. People have been posting two-line sap in the polyamory community - things like "my partner asked me about flirting with someone I liked, aren't they awesome?" or "all my sweeties helped me move, they rock!" There have been approximately 20 posts along these lines (with the subject Happy Poly Moment) in the past 3 days. I'm really bloody annoyed with it, because I'm not sure how any of these things are special. Why is it amazing that someone's partners aren't assholes who can't actually deal with living a poly lifestyle? Am I the only person who isn't so cynical to consider this breaking news? Apparently, since the mod thoroughly reprimanded me for calling it sap, saying that it's sad that I see happiness as sap "across the board", then posted specifically saying that she likes the Happy Poly Moment posts and wants them to continue. But then, the mod suddenly developed a really strong hate-on for me some months ago, for reasons I couldn't figure out since we'd been getting along pretty well previously.

I'm guessing that's not the community for me anymore. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.

Comments

[tober.livejournal.com]

There are reasons (this sort of thing being among them) that polyamory is not in my default friends filter. Sadly, it's a quite small minority of posts there that I find to be... worthy. The polyboston chat mailing list has been rubbing me the wrong way lately, too.

[benndragon.livejournal.com]

I was mostly OK with the poly-boston thread, although that second-to-last one made it hard to resist the urge to explain evolution to a stranger on the internet.

[digitalsidhe.livejournal.com]

For a long time, the only reason I read polyamory was so I'd have fodder for dot_poly_snark. Then I realized that I'd pretty much gotten the gist of everything that ever gets posted in polyamory, and I could understand dot_poly_snark just fine without bothering with the source material.

That was when I quit bothering to read polyamory at all. Then I got bored with dot_poly_snark, too, and so the whole thing just became "that stuff way over there".

That said, I think I'd rather see a bunch of "My life is going so well" posts than a bunch of poly train-wreck posts, if only so I remember that polyfolk aren't all drama-prone nut-bars. :)

This not being my journal and not even a locked post, I will refrain from saying snarky things about polyamory's moderator here.

[frothgar.livejournal.com]

While the sappy does get old after a bit, it's certainly better than the usual "Poly-Drama". I ended up greating a folder for all the drama groups, appropriately named, "Drama" :)

[frothgar.livejournal.com]

bah... can't spell this morning either.. Creating a folder...

[damhan-alluidh.livejournal.com]

Some people need the drama. Thought reporting that your friends helped you pack and move, and thinking this an odd thing, seems to be a bit much.

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

Hmm, looks like I'm not the only one who reached a breaking point with both the community 'polyamory' and 'dot_poly_snark'. I realized I totally didn't care. I mean, it's not like I won't take the time to listen or help my friends with their issues, poly, or otherwise. Heck, often if I've got the bandwidth, I'll offer to help strangers or people I'm only aquainted with on a surface level when it's clear they are in distress. But the polyamory community grated on me for some reason. Drama happens, it's often good nor bad, and it's part of human interaction. But, I like to be able to choose what I will and will not concern or involve myself with. I don't need a whole community of stuff to read about random folks drama. I also don't need a community that's sole purpose is to mock people who I don't care to concern myself with in the first place. Again, it's not that I never snark, or have something against people who really like snarking at the random folks who's stuff I don't want to clutter my brain with. It's more that I'd rather spend my time reading about stuff I have more investment in, interest in, or might find informational in some way.

[cos]

I've never liked polyamory - too many posts that aren't interesting. kith_and_kin and ethical_sluts are much lower volume and have tended to be higher quality.

[eyesys.livejournal.com]

Hugs - it might not be that it's not for you anymore but you need a break from it. Sometimes if you spend too much time on a forum or with a specific group of people, even as well-meaning as they might be, you find stuff like this...even mature adults can sometimes turn into highschoolers. I have observed this phenomenon for years and I don't entirely understand it, but it's there, sometimes pretty much across the board in any community. Maybe it's because that was the time in our lives when we put the most value on friendships and that's what we model on when things go wrong? I don't know.

Online stuff can start by someone misunderstanding something you were trying to say, assuming it meant something far worse and then suddenly they are all over your case. It could have been some innocent comment you made months ago to which she took offense without your knowledge. You mignt just want to ask her nicely (if even through gritted teeth) :P and see what she says.

The honeymoon stage with the whole poly thing might be over for you and it's life as normal. Where people are finding this stuff extraordinary, you have been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and are bored of the same (damn) conversations. That's ok. It happens. Doesn't mean it's not the community for you necessarily but maybe you need to spend less time there. I am not as excited about Pagan groups, etc. as I used to be, but I still consider myself Pagan. I just don't spend a lot of time talking about it, shopping for it, etc. Just a for instance. IN some ways that has been good for me as I have been more able to figure out stuff for myself.